Zachary O Sullivan - Online Memorial Website

Well Zach I made it through your birthday. It wasn't easy and today isn't any better. I really wished that I could have got you something other than balloons and a headstone. Maybe fixed your car (probably wouldn't have happened) but its a nice thought. It just is not fair.  Your party was great Saturday, Mogley blew out all the candles for you. He had such a hard time with you not being here to help. He got them all blown out before his tears hit the cake. We all talked about you and had some laughs and lots more tears throughout the night. Ryan, Nick and Asif wrote a song about you.  It's awesome and you would be so proud of them. They might play it in the church talent show. I miss you so much words cant describe it. Things on this earth will never be the same without you. I love you son!!!

Zach, im sitting here in tears, not so much for you cause I know your good where you are.  I know  Mom and Butch got you covered. Im crying for my Sister, for Scoob for Steven and YOUR Sister. Im angry, they didnt need more pain so soon after Mom and Butch died. We all expect to have to say good by to our parents. My Sister should not have had to say good by to her child untill it was HER time to go. It's just backwards and Im pissed! I cry for those you left behind that loved you so much. Briar, Lee, Kristin, Ryan, little Patrick, Mougly, Asif, Gus, all of them, there are way too many to name but they all loved you, they all are in pain. I met so many of your friends and they are all awesome. I can only pray this helps them not screw up too. IT HAS TOO! I know you will be there to guide them all or this is all for nothing, make them listen and spread the word. Zach,  dont ever let any of them forget how much pain you have left behind for the living. Death is no joke, it's a done deal, you can't take it back. Help them to THINK before they do. I hope you have saved many. I don't mean to preach but get them to church, there is something very strong there. I love you , you little Butt head!

Damn it son, its the night before your 19 birthday. Your mom along with many of your friends are having a party. I can't. I love you more than life itself. You know this now. Its understandable that they're having a party, I just can't. I have missed you for so damn long, I don't know that I can waite any more. I waited so long for you to turn 18, hoping you'd had wanted to be with me. That never happened. After you passed I set out to find my mother, as you know I didn't know her either. As long as I can I will leave that door open, please undrstand that I remember being your age. I was in Tuscon,Az, had left the nest years before. See, I too enjoyed the thrills of life. Just before I turned 19 I was chasing peyote, by the time I was 19 I was an expert with shrooms. Here is the difference my son, I had friends who would only party with responsible people. Yeah, thats right. I slipped thru by the grace of life. Some say that all things happen for a reason, I remember, when I was your age, I did not believe I'd live to be tthe age I was when you were born. You gave me life. Even after you, your sister, and your mother left me at the wetlands I had the hope of you still wanting me for your father, I did everything I knew to do so you might respect me. I went back to take care of the Infernal Revenue service, over paid the child support, thought I made myself public enough for you. I had the mindset that forcing myself into your life would hurt you. I WAS WRONG. Zachary, I'm sorry I failed you. I too despise week people. So for you I will remain me.

I love You

 

yur pappa

hey zach,

it's getting late and i really should be going to bed. but i just can't sleep with you on my mind as much as you are. so i thought i'd drop a message here. i'm gonna take you back to summer 06, when it was always me, you, bre, briar, josh and jordan hanging out like every single day. well there was one night when me, bre and jordan decided to write on a picnic table near our neighborhood with fabric paint i think it was. it was pretty dark when we did this, but the paint was neon so it was easy to see. we wrote all kinds of silly stuff, yah know just being girls. but i decided to write "kaitlin <3's zach". later down the road after we did this, i ended up telling you about what i wrote. and that was that, for a while. after you passed i soon remembered writing on the table, and i also remembered a message you sent me on myspace in may of 08. i'd like to post it on here bc it means a lot to me. here it is..

 

eyy look im sorry im not tryin to have problems or nothin, I walked to that bench in the park behind ur houses the other dayy and i read the table and it had kaitlin <3's Zach in big white letters. Just wanted you to kno i still think about youu. Life is short and i hope u can forgive me for everything ive done and kno i do things that are looked down upon but i still think about how things used to be every day. Sorry.

Zach

 

i never used to think everything happens for a reason, but i'm starting to believe that it does. i truely believe that some of the things he said in this message was for me and us all to read after he'd pass. he wants us to forgive him for the mistakes he made. and he knows better than anyone that life is short. zach i can't wait until the day i get to see you, hold you, and talk to you. i miss you more than i could ever imagine missing someone. i love you so much. take care.

 

love always and forever,

kaitlin nicole johnson.