Hey Wacko, well I didn't have a great New Years. It was extremely painful. I guess I didnt prepare myself for that, I thought Christmas would be the worst. I know I have to find someway to get through the rest of my days here without feeling so miserable all the time. I'm not really sure what to do but I have to figure it out, what I'm doing now isn't working.
It's Christmas Eve ... and I still miss you more than life. I really have been dreading today and tomorrow, but then Asif called me. He says he knows that we have to stay positive so that you can be with us tomorrow. It makes sense, negativity is hard to break through. Honey I will do my best because I want you, Kirstie, grandma and grampa to all be with us. Help to keep us all strong like you always are. I love you all and thank you God for taking care of my family.
What a rotten day its been. I guess I dont know that there will ever be a good day again. I am just amazed that everybody else in the world can go on with their lives like there's nothing wrong. There is only a couple of people that truely understand how bad this hurts and how wrong "everything" feels. I know it wont ever get back to normal, there is no normal anymore but this is really hard to live with, I don't know how to deal with it and I'm tired of trying. I miss you!!!
Hey baby bro. I know I haven't written in awhile. I've been doing some reflecting. Kinda sucks cause I didn't get anywhere. I still think about you everyday. In fact it's getting close to a year and I can't remember one day I haven't thought about you. Christmas is drawing near and I just hope we can make it through intact. I want to make good memories for my kids. The thing is I feel better talking about you and including you like your still here, because I know you are. Maybe not like you were but I still feel you around me. I've actually thought about having a huge cardboard cut- out made of you and carting you around with me. Laugh now but I'm serious. So we will find a way to make this holiday special. I will do you proud, I'm a fighter... I learned it from my brother.
I love you Zacharia Sullivana
Well baby here it is almost Christmas, your favorite holiday. I dont want to do this .. it won't ever be the same without my son. But for your sister, brother, niece and nephew I am gonna try to get through it. As you already know I put the tree up like you asked. It is a little different this year - its a bling bling tree in your honor - just gold and silver. I hope you like the little tree I put in your room. I got Lil Steven the ATM bank you wanted to get for him. I'd like to say its from you but I think he's too young to understand. When he gets old enough he will read this then he will know. It's too late now but I remember you saying Brooklyn needed a blue dress. Sorry I spaced that off. I can't believe that you won't be here to open presents. You being the baby of the family, that was my joy to watch you open yours. Your sister is having a hard time right now, please stay with her and watch over her. I love you and miss you more than words.
