Zach i'm sorry that every time i try to post pictures its to hard to figure out lol so just look on my myspace and facebook :) their there! Love you -Lynzy... a.k.a. baby momma if you havent already heard :) n just a lil sneak peak... its due march 16 and maybe just maybe if were lucky enough its birthday will land on yours :) help me if you can ;) see ya later
geez how do i start. i know jeremy loves the 4th of July and if i'm right , so do you. so im sending you some love and just be careful so u dont get into too much trouble you two and make sure Jeremy keeps his clothes on. he loves to streak through main street on holidays. of course the cops can never catch him cause you know how fast he runs but everyone sure gets a laugh out of it and i know the angels in heaven must be ready for a laugh or two by now if you guys already dont have them rolling on the clouds. and dont let jeremy make you do too many jaeger bombs and if he's hungover i know it wont be as bad in heaven as it was here. but take care of yourselves and please welcome Gloria, betos mom into heaven. she died today.
Just wanted you to know* i never once have ever stopped for one moment thinking about you my love! <3
Just want you to know that I think about your Zach a lot. It seems like it is a connection to my Jeremy. Today we went out to our ranch. we dont live there yet we still live in town but we go there to water trees we have planted and jsut to get some peace and quiet. i usually go to sleep as soon as i get in the truck coming and going. we spent a few hours out there and as we were leaving i was settling in for a nap, putting the seat back and such. then i was compelled to put it back up and look out the window. there was the most beautiful sunset out there. i made my husband stop the truck and he even backed it up and pulled around so I had a full view. Its starting to monsoon here so every evening we it gets cloudy and lookinglike its going to rain.i guess it seems like i walk around with my head down all the time and never look up but i dont remember seeing that sunset and either did my husband. i felt a strong presence of Jeremy there. the colors on one side were so vibrant, almost flourescent. he love flourescent colors on the other side they were soft yet vibrant. purples blues, pinks yellows and grays. we coudl see the clouds moving fast but the sunset was jsut getting more beautiful. we were speechless. then i looked above us and a cloud was shaped like a huge hand as if it was protecting us. all the other clouds moved around but this one never lost its shape. as soon as we started moving again all of a sudden all the colors were gone. we only sat ther for like five minutes and we drove for about 1/8 of a mile before everything was gone. for some reason Zach came to mind. Ijsut got this feeling that Jeremy and he were in cahoots somehow. and i can imagine them saying, lets give your mom a show. i dontknow why i thought of Zach and Jeremy it jsut came to me likea thought or feeling or something. and then i had a mind picture of Zach flexing his muscles and showing off some tattoos that Jeremy had given him and Jeremy in the background jsut grinning ear to ear. i didnt say anything to my husband while i was having these visions. he doesnt even know bout Zach. after about 10 miles he looked over at me and said," i felt Jeremy out there, do you think he sent this" i jsut started crying because the whole time we were out there i was feeling the same things but i was afraid to say anything cause he thinks im nuts anyway. wouldnt it be something if you saw the same thing. wouldnt it be awesome if theye are hanging together getting into mischief and stuff. or maybe in heaven they dont get into mischief maybe they just to beautiful things like tonight. Iknow things arent getting better for you because they arent for me but i am sending you a big long hug from one broken hearted Mamma to another.
Just looking through these pages . I'm not alone. I know you share the same pain I do. People ask me if I'm Ok? what do you say? Your son sounds a lot like mine. I know they have met in heaven and are probably setting up a wrestling team. Jeremy was an awesome wrestler. He was a mentor to his teammates and a lot of teeny kids that now come to look at his room and touch his things... in awe. one of them is only 5. He was a superb runner. having won tons of races. Jeremy ran forever. he always told me when he wanted me to run and i couldnt keep up "its all in your head mom, the pain in your body and legs its all in your head, if your mind is strong you wont feel the pain. Needless to say I have tried that and he was full of shit. i cant run without feeling like i need to call 911 and i cant make the pain go away form losing him. I know no one but a mom that has lost a child knows this pain. He was such a funny kid, a prankster. And I just need to tell you to watch for signs that he is watching over you. Jeremy was also Native American. he called himself a wagon burner, especially to his dad who is from oklahoma ("the sooners are cheaters, so we burned their fing wagons"). we miss him so much. he taught himslef to play guitar at age 10 and could play a new song in a few minutes. he was also a very talented tattoo artist. thankfully i allowed him to practice on me so i carry that legacy of art on my body. I dont understand why our boys had to go. i have confliciting feelings and thoughts and so much anger at everyone and at God. but i know he is with me. look up at the stars in heaven. I do. they are holes in the sky and the boys are pouring their love for us down through them. We also lost our 16 yr old daughter in dec. 3 months before he died. please I ask you Zach to take care of them and i will do the same. I dont want to pray at this time but i need to let you know that my heart hurts for you and your family. whatever is left of my heart. I know your pain i truly do. i wish i could hug you i wish that i could be around another mom that knows what this is like. this is the only way i know to honor our boys and daughter. i dont know what happened to your son but my son had so many dreams and goals he had a college scholarship and was going to be a nurse like me. i know your son did too and its a damn shame we have been cheated out of so many things. like their weddings grandbabies etc. you are lucky you have other children. i only have his friends who have been like my sons from day one. take comfort in knowing that you do have other children you have to look out for. so that means you have to take care of youself so you can be there for them. reading your sons site has brought so many memories, mostly funny because J, too was always up to something. like the time he his dad and his marines friends started a brush fire here in the desert while out shooting guns. dad called and asked me to bring water then he mentioned there was a brush fire out there. i took 4 bottles of water but when i got there i saw that he meant BRING WATER THIS IS A BIG FIRE. jeremy and his friends where trying to stomp it out and peeing on it but it was too big. i was scared but when i saw him peeing on it i thought it was funny. when they came down off the mountain to get the "water" he said " what the f..ck mom". i told him to go back and pee on it. 2 weeks later there was a huge fire across the canyon from our house. it burned for over a week and lots of people had to be evacuated. he was at work and i called him as soon as i saw it coming towards out house. first thing he said was "i didnt do it" then got all his music equipment, computer and running shoes and put them in his truck and sat on the porch to watch the fire.
Letter From Heaven
To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
But first of all, to let you know, I arrived okay.
I'm writting this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight,
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon, and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."
" It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There is so much we have to do, to help our mortal man."
God gave me a list of things, that he wish for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you.... In the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is over.
I'm closer to you now, then I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you to...
that as long as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I'm contented.... that my life has been worth while,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody who is feeling sad and low,
just lend a hand to pick them up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going..... you're coming here to me.
